Today we got an unexpected reprieve from spending the entire day at the soccer fields due to morning storms. However, the storms cleared out very quickly and we ended up with an absolutely gorgeous free Saturday. I got it in my head that I needed to resume my search for new kitchen chairs. We had great luck finding a lovely huge solid dining room suite with six chairs for a steal on Facebook Marketplace, so I started looking for some on there and found a set of four solid wood chairs for $40 about a mile and a half away. Worked it out with the guy selling the chairs, and my daughter and I decided to make a little afternoon out of picking up the chairs and running some other errands. Off we went.
Side note: I don’t see how so many people sleep on Facebook Marketplace. You can get literally anything you can think of on there, and usually for much less than you’d pay elsewhere just because people don’t want to haul their stuff out to the curb or dump, so they figure this is a way to get that chore checked off their list and possibly make a little money as well. And I like DIY shit so I’m not afraid of stripping and sanding and refinishing some chairs. Anyway. Check it out, especially if you’re in the market for wood furniture.
After my daughter and I picked up the chairs, we went to Kroger to get some prescriptions, and I was talked into four different containers of ice cream because convincing me to buy things is her super power. Soon enough we were on our way home.
When we turned onto our street, I was shocked to see my husband out in the front yard playing soccer with two of our sons. I audibly gasped and said, “is dad outside playing???” And then I teared up a bit. Allow me to explain why.
When I left the house, my husband was dozing in his office recliner, where he has spent a good 90% of his time for the past few weeks when he was not working. This was progress from going straight to bed at 7pm, which he did fairly regularly as well. He has been dealing with depression for several years now and has been on an antidepressant for most of that time. Over the last several weeks I have noticed a drastic downturn in his mood. Now we have been through these swings before, as most people who deal with depression do, but this one was different. After I finally got him to talk to me about what was going on in his brain a few days ago and suggested again that he might need to change his medication, he said that he would go “from fine to barrel in a matter of minutes.” I asked him if he meant what I thought he meant by that, and he confirmed that yes, he had been having suicidal thoughts again. I take any verbalization of self-harm extremely seriously, so I was instantly on high alert code red mode. He shared with me that he had already done the legwork to switch antidepressants, and that he was just waiting on them to arrive from the pharmacy. So we waited and talked more and I tried to help him process his feelings while I processed mine simultaneously.
He started the new medication on Thursday. Immediately he was irritable. Not a great start! But he’s generally irritable, so I knew we just needed to be patient and give it some time before making any decisions about it. He’s continued to be very tired since then, but we are adults who have four children. Of course we are tired. Today, though, I have seen a difference. He has been more engaged with the kids. He has been laughing again. He’s been making jokes and being playful with me around the house. And he went outside with the children. Something they are always desperate for him to do. When I got out of the car I hugged him and asked, “do you know how long it’s been since this has happened?” He asked since what has happened, and I said, “since you’ve played with the kids.” He shrugged, like it just dawned on him that he’d stopped doing it. And then they played outside some more.
It was a good day.